


I Loved And I Loved And I Lost You

by Malec_Magnificent



Category: Carry On - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Baz is not, Cuz he's a vamp, He misses Simon, Heavy Angst, Hurt, I cried while writing this, M/M, Mage, Simon is Dead, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 19:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12778119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malec_Magnificent/pseuds/Malec_Magnificent
Summary: What do you do with leftover information? Whom do you tell that you know the birthday of your co-workers husband or that you remember the favorite drink of your high school friend you haven't met in years?Whom does Baz tell Simon loved cuddles in the morning or that he used to get work done with his tail? Whom does he share Simon with when he is left all alone?





	I Loved And I Loved And I Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> Maria made me write this, it's so much crappy but I wrote it in like 20 minutes I think so yeah don't expect art. Only Maria makes art.

A tear slides down my cheek as I lightly brush my fingers over the glass that is covering your picture to keep it safe. 

I look at your eyes, your beautiful blue eyes that I fell in love with, the bright shining eyes that kept me alive when I was going through the worst and most difficult time of my life, the ones I could drown in, the beautiful blue orbs that resembled a lively ocean..... I miss staring into them, I miss you Simon. 

Your cute little nose, I wish I could kiss it now, I miss the way you used to complain that it became red when u were cold, I miss kissing it and seeing you blush, I miss you Simon.

Your lips, those soft and plump pink lips, all those amorous kisses that we shared, the way you used to kiss my forehead when I had an exam, the way you would kiss my cheek when I got you tiny gifts, the way you kissed my eyes to wake me up, the way you kissed my hands when we cuddled in bed, the way you kissed my neck when we got intimate, I miss them, I miss you Simon.

It's been 37 painful years since cancer stole you from me. We were young, you deserved to live, but there was nothing I could do, it still pains me to be so helpless when the love of my life is drifting away from my hands. People think it's wrong to mourn for this long, that I should move on and find new love. But I laugh at them, how can I love again when you took my heart away with yourself?

Every single day, I get up and stare at the ceiling, because that's what we used to do on our lazy mornings. When I shower, I still use your favorite shampoo. When I watch movies, I watch the ones we used to watch on our date nights. Everytime I bake cookies, I lick the spoon because it reminds me of you. But whom do I tell this to? 

Whom do I tell you always wore sweaters that were big, that you loved staring at the starts, that you would die for sour cherry scones, that you liked blueberry pancakes, that you used to pout everytime your wings got stuck in the door, whom do I tell?

They way your lips curled into a mischievous smile before dragging me to the bedroom, the way you always made me hot chocolate when I was stressed, whom do I tell Simon? 

All of eternity, without you.....

I can't, I can't, I can't. 

Every decade, every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second, I miss you even more. Time is supposed to help you heal, move on. Why is it the opposite for me Snow? You lost your magic but you put a spell on me as you left. 

You were only 29, that wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I had dreamed of marrying you, having children, a home, growing old together. I wanted to turn you, so we could stay together forever. 

But a forever without you...

I maybe immortal, but a wooden stake th right the heart can kill me. You made me promise you not to do anything 'stupid' as you said. But maybe, one day, I might become lucky, someone might stake me through the heart, end this pain once and forever.

Because I feel numb Simon, and it's not the usual kind of numb. It's the kind of numb that makes you feel empty to the core, that eats you on the inside everyday, it's numbness but somehow it hurts? 

I miss you Simon.

And I hate you for making me fall in love with you and then leaving me all alone. But I'd rather suffer this myself than have you suffer. Because I'm still helplessly in love with you Simon Snow.

I loved and I loved and I lost you,  
And it hurts like hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew, I cried while writing this, I don't like writing angst but a carrot forced me.


End file.
